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Thoughts From Women...Submitted by 2hotzone on Mon, 2005-10-31 17:11.Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. Old age ain't no place for sissies. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. The phrase "working mother" is redundant. Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. I think - therefore I'm single. You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. |
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